You really can’t make this stuff up. According to Senator Joni Ernst, we’ve now reached the point in bureaucratic absurdity where federal employees are literally showing up to work just to protest having to show up to work. That’s right—after spending years in sweatpants “working” from home (and we use that word generously), some government workers actually packed a lunch, commuted in, and then held a protest against… doing their jobs. Somewhere deep in the federal handbook of waste and dysfunction, this must count as performance art.
Welcome to the post-COVID swamp revival tour, where accountability is optional, productivity is theoretical, and apparently, taxpayer-funded spa days are part of the benefits package. Thankfully, Senator Ernst has been leading the charge through her long-running “SQUEAL” campaign and now, with the help of President Trump’s Office of Government Efficiency (DOGE), someone is finally trying to scrape the barnacles off the ship of state.
Let’s break this down: on Day One, President Trump wasted no time telling the federal workforce to get back to their desks. In-person. Full-time. With some wiggle room for actual medical or logistical exceptions. You know, like a normal job. The memo was clear—pack up the yoga mat, shut the bubble bath faucet, and return to duty stations like every hardworking American who doesn’t get to clock in from their kitchen.
But apparently, some federal workers interpreted “back to work” as “show up with a picket sign and a kombucha.” They’re not protesting pay cuts, layoffs, or unsafe conditions. They’re protesting… being required to show up and do the job they’re paid for. Think about that. In the private sector, if you refused to return to work after your boss told you to, you’d be handed a cardboard box and walked out by 5 p.m. But in D.C., you stage a protest and somehow still qualify for a pension.
“We actually had workers that showed up at the office to protest having to come back to work at the office,” she told Fox News’ Maria Bartiromo. “So we’re finding all kinds of things with the DOGE work, the SQUEAL work that I have done for ten years, and thank goodness we have President Trump and DOGE, the Office of Government Efficiency, that’s finally cracking down on these types of activities.”
You can’t make this up…
Federal employees showed up to the office — not to work — but to protest returning to work.@DOGE and I are fighting to get Washington working for YOU! pic.twitter.com/qrriphp0Fn
— Joni Ernst (@SenJoniErnst) April 9, 2025
Senator Ernst shared a few lowlights of this new-age government freeloading during a recent hearing, and each one somehow outdoes the last. A Veterans Affairs employee was bragging about “phoning it in from a bubble bath” while actual veterans—people who served this country—were left listening to hold music instead of getting appointments. An Army vet seeking mental healthcare ended up in a Zoom therapy session where the therapist spent the entire time gushing about how amazing remote work was… while cuddling a cat. Spoiler alert: the veteran left the session with zero help and is now just “on my meds doing my best.” That’s what federal efficiency looks like these days—therapy cats and no solutions.
Then there’s the HUD employee who got arrested for DUI at 3:30 on a Friday afternoon—on the clock, mind you—and the agency had no idea until Ernst told them. Maybe HUD was too busy browsing Wayfair for another $2,000 ergonomic office chair to notice one of their own spent company hours in a holding cell.
And the cherry on top? A Social Security employee managed to run a completely separate home inspection business for three years while collecting a government paycheck. He wasn’t just shirking responsibility—his mother was responding to work emails. That’s right, Mama was the one handling business while junior was out measuring crawl spaces and cashing checks. If there’s a federal Employee of the Month plaque somewhere, she might deserve it more than half the actual staff.
This isn’t just a joke—it’s an insult to every American who wakes up early, puts on a uniform or a name tag, and actually earns their paycheck. The federal government was never meant to be a permanent vacation. But that’s what it’s become for far too many people who see taxpayer dollars as a never-ending allowance with zero oversight.
Thankfully, Trump and Senator Ernst are starting to shine some light into the cobwebbed corners of this dysfunctional mess. It’s long past time we bring government workers back to the real world—where showing up is expected, accountability matters, and bubble baths are scheduled after 5 p.m.
