Well, it looks like Prime Minister Keir Starmer has finally drawn his sword in the battle against violent crime, just not the metaphorical one that might actually do any good.
No, Starmer’s chosen weapon in the fight against Britain’s spiraling knife crime epidemic is… banning ninja swords. Yes, really. While the nation deals with real violence, crumbling communities, and rising crime, the British government has bravely stood up and declared: no more cosplay katanas.
Starmer made the big announcement on X (formerly Twitter, for those still catching up), proudly proclaiming that ninja swords would be banned by summer, as if he’d just cracked the code on stopping crime. “When I announce a ban, you’ll get a ban,” he said, with all the gravitas of a man who thinks decisive leadership means confiscating decorative weapons from anime collectors.
Confirmed: Ninja swords will be banned by this summer.
When we promise action we take it. https://t.co/gjJEQIMI10
— Keir Starmer (@Keir_Starmer) March 27, 2025
Naturally, the internet had a field day. Ben Shapiro chimed in with a Kill Bill clip, basically daring the British government to try that nonsense in the United States. Spoiler: they wouldn’t. Because over here, we still believe in things like self-defense, due process, and not treating grown adults like they’re kids who can’t be trusted around pointy objects. Over there? They’re banning blades from movies and comic books. What’s next—regulating lightsabers?
If you tried this s*** in America https://t.co/ShVDveDFyp pic.twitter.com/bmSbi9hc9F
— Ben Shapiro (@benshapiro) March 27, 2025
David Burge mocked the absurdity with a deadpan, “At last, Britain’s nagging Ninja problem has been solved,” and he wasn’t wrong. The idea that roving gangs of ninjas are plaguing the streets of Birmingham is about as laughable as thinking a sword ban is going to deter someone already willing to commit a violent felony.
Great news everyone! They’re tackling the ninja epidemic. https://t.co/HV83iM8BBx pic.twitter.com/WYf4AzzorT
— Gill, womb haulier and gorgon (@Gillian_Philip) March 27, 2025
But don’t tell that to Starmer. To him, it’s not the criminal that’s the problem—it’s the object. The tool. The implement. If it’s sharp and scary-looking, it’s out. Never mind the actual criminals walking the streets thanks to soft-on-crime policies or a justice system more focused on “rehabilitation” than punishment. Those are messy issues. They require hard conversations about immigration, fatherless homes, collapsing cultural norms, and what actually drives young men into violence. And let’s be honest—modern progressives don’t touch those topics unless it’s to blame “systemic” something-or-other.
This is beyond stupid. Will you ban cricket bats, sharp sticks and sharpened hunks of metal? You need to lock up the criminals and allow the decent folks to arm themselves against such attackers. https://t.co/GxDOzOY7C8
— Chris Loesch (@ChrisLoesch) March 27, 2025
Musician Zuby nailed it with one of the most brutally accurate takes. He pointed to the real issues: fatherless homes, the masculinity crisis, mass immigration, and neglected communities. All the stuff polite society would rather whisper about than address directly. Why? Because confronting those root causes might offend someone. So instead, Starmer and company go after ninja swords, because it’s easy, it looks like action, and it won’t offend any of their political donors.
This is the UK version of the way the USA skirts around the gun violence issue.
Always targeting the individual TOOLS instead of having a serious conversation about the state of society, and why there are so many lost, violent young men.
Those conversations could offend people.
— ZUBY: (@ZubyMusic) March 27, 2025
It’s the same tired formula we see in the U.S. every time the left wants to “do something” about gun violence. Go after the weapon. Pass a law. Ban a magazine. Slap a restriction on law-abiding citizens while completely ignoring the criminals who—newsflash—don’t care about laws. Britain’s doing the same thing, just with swords instead of firearms. And once again, it’s the regular people, the ones who follow the law and just want to feel safe in their own neighborhoods, who get punished for the failures of leadership.
So, congratulations to Prime Minister Starmer. He managed to make headlines and look “tough on crime” while doing absolutely nothing to solve the actual problem. Knife crime is still rampant. Communities are still under siege. But at least Britain’s cosplay community is on notice.
